Ventura County Weddings - (805) 987-6252
Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.
When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfil.
Wedding Gifts: How Much to Spend?
Q:
Is there a basic guide indicating how much to spend on a wedding gift?
A:
Generally speaking, if you will be attending the wedding, plan to spend $50 - $100 on a wedding gift. This amount represents a gift from one person; if the gift is from a couple the value would be in the $100 - $200 range.
If you are not attending the wedding but wish to send the couple a gift, there are no guidelines pertaining to value; however, it is not uncommon to spend less on a gift for a wedding you will not attend than on one which you will be attending. As an additional note, it is not, in fact, necessary to send a gift for a wedding you will not attend, though many choose to do so. As a final note, wedding etiquette allows that wedding gifts may be sent up to one year following the wedding date.
Top 5 Wedding Gift Ideas
1. Money – Yes it's true; while it may seem impersonal or uncreative, money is my number one recommended wedding gift. Most young couples are saving for something big – a house, a car, a piece of furniture, or are still paying back their student loans. Money may also help them have an extra-special honeymoon or let them order that extra photo for their album. While it's rude for a couple to ask for money, it is never rude to give cash. If you still want to give a personal wedding gift, combine the two: attach a check to a beautiful picture frame, a kitchen gadget, or a long letter detailing your wishes and advice for their marriage.
2. An expensive item off of their registry – Often the more-expensive items on a couple's registry are dream wedding gifts that they don't think they're actually going to get. Whether you're wealthy enough to buy such a wedding gift on your own, or you organize other guests to all chip in, you'll be making dreams come true.
3. A luxurious hotel room for their first night as a married couple – Start their marriage off right by giving them a night to remember before they take off for their honeymoon. Check with the bride's mother or the maid-of-honor to ensure reservations have not already been made, and give your gift early so that they'll be able to include it in their plans.
4. A wedding gift to stand the test of time – Whether it's a bottle of scotch or fine wine with instructions to open on their tenth anniversary, a gorgeous vase, or piece of art, give a gift on which the couple will be able to look fondly and say "Our friend John gave us that for our wedding." Other ideas include the couple's wedding invitation in a beautiful frame, a handmade quilt or tablecloth, or an antique piece of furniture.
5. Make their honeymoon extra sweet - If you've ever been to the place where the couple is honeymooning, use that knowledge to get them a gift certificate for your favorite restaurant or resort activity. You could also upgrade their plane tickets to first class, give them a camera to help them take great pictures, or give them some spending money tucked inside a guidebook of the area.
When the bride and groom want cash for gifts, there's a right way to ask -- and a wrong way
Forget the chafing dish. Just give me the money.
An increasing number of brides and grooms want cold hard cash as presents, wedding-industry insiders say. Gracefully communicating that desire to their invitees, however, can be a challenge.
People are marrying later, for instance -- men at 27.5 and women at 25.6, on average -- which means newlyweds often have already set up house and are saddled with credit-card debt. Recently plunging investments make cash a lot more welcome -- and a lot more needed -- than, say, a blender.
Mike Cummings, who is getting married in May, says he and his fiancee would much prefer cash, though they did sign up for a traditional gift registry as well.
"What the hell are we going to do with a $400 stand-up mixer?" he asks. Because the couple lives in a small one-bedroom apartment in New York, "everything we get for our wedding is doomed to spend at least three years in her parents' garage," he says.
Shane HarrisonMoney, on the other hand, will help the couple start saving for a larger apartment or house, he says. But while Mr. Cummings is hoping some guests will give cash as a wedding gift, he admits he hasn't thought of a way yet to ask outright for money. (Unless, of course, any of his guests are reading this article.)
It's an awkward subject for most people. But there are a few things a bride and groom can do to encourage cash gifts without offending Great Aunt Mimi.
Be Sensitive
Couples should consider how their guests will react before including money as an explicit gift option. Wedding experts say that to some extent, acceptance depends on geography. Many guests at New York and Los Angeles weddings feel cash is an acceptable present. But it's not so common in the Midwest. And some in the South believe it's too impersonal, so couples there may have to work extra hard to overcome an anticash sentiment.
Reactions can vary by age, too. While younger generations will "get it," friends of the parents and grandparents may feel queasy about the idea, says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of theknot.com, a New York-based Web site about weddings. Older people often still prefer giving tangible gifts, convinced that the recipients will enjoy unwrapping the surprise.
Some say the current economic situation is easing tensions when it comes to talking about money, meaning older guests from Mississippi may now be more willing to write a check. Of course, the recession also means that check may be rather small, since guests could be struggling themselves.
Be Subtle
Some people will write "monetary gifts preferred" on their wedding invitations. But going that route can have disastrous results, according to Jenny Orsini, a wedding planner based in Springfield, N.J. "I might actually buy them a purple-and-green-polka-dot cheese grater just for saying that," she warns.
How to Tell Your Wedding Guests You Want Cash, Not Gifts
With more and more wedding couples wanting cash over traditional registry gifts, The Wall Street Journal looks to Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor at theknot.com. She gives couples pointers on how to approach what can be a very sensitive topic.
Couples should never tell guests outright that they want money. In fact, it's bad wedding etiquette to mention wanting any gifts at all, because that implies a guest must buy something in order to attend the wedding.
"It's a terrible idea to include any of this information in your invitation," says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based wedding-etiquette expert and author. "That's craven," she says. "It's like you're buying a ticket to the wedding."
She and other experts suggest asking the family or bridal party to help get the word out -- after guests ask about gift preferences. An insert in the invitation, too, can provide a link to a Web site with information about gifts and other matters related to the wedding. It's important for such sites to include practical details, like directions and accommodations for out-of-town guests, so as not to just seem like a plea for presents. (Ms. Mac Adam says she was once shocked by a bride-to-be who asked whether she could include her bank-account number.)
A more subtle approach is for the couple to explain a bit about their financial goals and why they are forgoing fine china and linens. While the message should say any gift would be appreciated, it can also use the phrase, "What we could really use help with is..." says Anna Post, spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, a promoter of etiquette and civility that's based in Burlington, Vt.
Be Specific -- and Organized
Telling guests what the money is for can encourage more giving. Many people are more comfortable handing over cash when they know how it will be spent, and when it's clearly something that requires pooled funds.
Randy Breaux and his wife, who were married in July, had guests contribute to a backyard renovation at their home in San Rafael, Calif. Not sexy, but specific enough that they got the funds to start on the overdue irrigation, patio and landscaping project. "Most people thought it was pretty cool," Mr. Breaux says of the process.
Scores of banks offer bridal savings accounts, which collect contributions toward dream homes -- or other dreams. Some banks restrict the use of funds to down payments on a house as a way to bring in business to their mortgage arms. But institutions as wide-ranging as SunTrust Banks Inc., Bank of Utah, Community Financial Services Bank in Kentucky and Mercantile Bank in Illinois, Indiana and Missouri place no restrictions on how the funds can be used. Most charge no fees. Bank of Utah charges a $10 fee to open a bridal account, but it also offers matching funds of up to $300 for each account if the money is used for a house down payment.
Another option: At least 19 credit unions currently offer accounts for accepting cash wedding gifts, according to the Filene Research Institute, a Madison, Wis.-based researcher of consumer-finance issues and the credit-union industry. These institutions market their service as MatriMoney, a name licensed by North Island Credit Union in San Diego. The credit-union accounts typically offer an annual interest rate and have no fees.
There are Web sites that offer similar services, but these often charge transaction or registration fees, pay no interest and lack FDIC guarantees. One site, Tucson, Ariz.-based FeatherOurNest.com, charges a $200 set-up fee, though it's refundable if the customer purchases a home using a real-estate agent through the site's nationwide referral service. Carol Peterson, founder of the site, says its customers' accounts range from a few thousand dollars to nearly $20,000. The money earns no interest for the couples, but it is FDIC-insured, Ms. Peterson says.
Be Realistic
Most couples that request cash don't receive enough for a full down payment on a house. No one should start signing mortgage papers until they know how much they have to work with.
Nor should the hosts throw a $150,000 wedding and then claim they don't have money for a new car. Nobody will buy it.
Be Grateful
Newlyweds can make their gift-givers feel more appreciated if they include in their thank-you cards a fun picture of themselves enjoying the end result -- perhaps sliding down the new banister in their new home.
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